Getting hit in the balls

No, I'm not being figurative. Tonight as I was innocently sitting on Julie's floor conversing with friends one of my "buddies" Joe threw a large object in my general direction. This object was a sack of rice sewn together which you heat in a microwave and apply to your body to warm up. Needless to say it was quite heave (an estimated 500 pounds). I looked toward Joe just in time to see this object careening towards my man parts and as it struck I could feel my testiculars swallowed up into the bottom of my gut.

There is really no easy way to describe getting hit in the jewels to those uninitiated into this most hilarious, yet painful thing. Still, I like to think of it like so: imagine unto yourself someone sticking a molten hot wire into your tooth and up into your nerves. Now imagine that pain emanating from your crotch and surrounding the bottom of your gut. That only begins to explain the feeling.

Some people of the female persuasion have told me, "oh, whatever, it hurts us too you know!" Firstly I'm sure it does hurt, and secondly how could I possibly know that, having never been equipped with a yaya-hoohoo as they are known in scientific circles. Still, there's definitely some anatomical difference that I think makes it impossible to really understand this particular pain. Look, I don't walk up to my female friends while they are on their period and tell them, "look, don't complain to me, I know what it's like, I've had a bloody nose!" Let's just be fair and say that maybe we are actually different and that's a pretty basic reason we can procreate.

As a fellow male I also have to admit it's hilarious to see someone get hit in the junk. It's a sort of banana peel slippage humor; it's funny because you know it hurts. It's hilarious to see it happen to someone else. This is where junking gets different from slipping on a banana peel however because even when it happens to yourself you've got to laugh.

Well all I know is I for sure will have the last laugh. I'm already plotting revenge and it will probably involve a monkey wrench.