Of Riding Off Into The Sunset
"Come on, I've got to show you something," Kevin remarked looking full of eagerness. He went to the back room retrieving keys and a baseball cap he put on his head. "Come on!" His excitement could barely be kept in. Sarah followed him out the door and around the side of the building to the back. "Is this where everything turns wrong and you leave my body to be found in a dumpster?" Sarah laughed, but was at least one percent serious; she didn't like the dirty alleyway she was in. Kevin used his keys to open a padlocked steel garage door.
"My pride and joy!"
Sitting in the old dark space was a brand new, pristinely polished
motorcycle: a crotch rocket. "Holy cow Kev, that thing looks dangerous?"
"Danger was what first attracted you to me," Kevin quickly replied with a smirk.
"Actually it was your false sense of pride."
"Heh, tuché."
Sarah eagerly examined every inch of the bike's surface pretending to
know what she was looking at. "You want to take it for a ride?"
"Safety first," Kevin tossed Sarah a helmet. Only minutes later both of them were riding off through the hot asphalt of Las Vegas, out of the city, towards the desert horizon. Sarah wondered where Kevin was taking her while enjoying the ride. The sun was just cresting at the edge of the world, dipping into silhouetted mountains turning the sky into a streaked mixture of amber and azure.
Comments
I think this line: "Sarah eagerly examined every inch of the bike's surface pretending to know what she was looking at." I've done that before :)
In the first line, "Kevin remarked looking full of eagerness" is a little awkward. Maybe "Kevin eagerly remarked" or "Kevin remarked, visibly excited." Not sure those are any better, but just suggestions.
I like the underlying tension you create with Kevin being dangerous. Sarah's thought at the end about not being sure where Kevin is taking her told me that she's still a bit concerned about her safety.
Yeah, I was too lazy to fix that :) Thanks for the compliments!